Series 1

“Usually when I’m not feeling myself I do things to take my mind off the anxieties I’m having. This usually includes watching my favourite comedy shows so I can have a laugh and think positively; and listening to my favourite artist talk about their shared experience/history with their own mental health. Some other positive coping mechanisms are: going out, doing some photography, reading comic books and talking to my mother & brother. On the other hand, my negative coping mechanisms are: listening to depressing/sad music which sometimes last hours or even days til I’m told to stop listening to it by my brother when he catches me.

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Men’s mental health is definitely a global issue. For a black man like myself I’d say it’s even more prevalent within the U.S. given the racism the black community faces everyday. Pride also is and continues being a negative impact on our respective mental health. I know within black families there is a stigma around mental health, given the role of father figure and man of the house has to be played due to fathers being absent either since birth or throughout childhood. 

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Over the years, I’ve limited my time and use of my own social media platforms. I don’t believe in what it sells and sadly people choose to live a lie and become someone they’re not in order to gain like, popularity” & fame just to name a few. I also hate see the racism of the black community being shared without actual change happening.”

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“Social media is a magnification tool in all aspects, so it’s easy to be bombarded and overwhelmed with both information and toxicity. At the end of the day we can choose what we see, the minute I unfollowed all of that and followed what I would like to see more of, I instantly felt like a load had been lifted and had access to new information/motivation. To cut a long story short, it’s good to take a break every once in a while, and break the cycle and switch up.”

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“There needs to be a universal attitude change when we think of what masculinity means. The toxicity of “grow a pair” doesn’t just affect other men, it affects everyone. Men are told they have to act in a dominant or tough way, which leads to self-imposed fear and anger. And of course, male aggression has a huge effect on women’s lives too. To go back to what I  said earlier about men’s behaviour having a negative effect on everyone, not just other men- I think its really important to acknowledge that the fact that many men don’t address their mental health needs is emblematic of a deeper sexism. Once men get in touch with their feelings, realize they are in a position of privilege and that masculine behaviours across the board need to be worked on, then I have no doubt the things will improve for everyone.

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I’m a trumpet player and sometimes it’s a really helpful tool to get away from everything else and practice and figure out problems with my technique etc. It’s also a fucking nightmare sometimes and can wind me up as much as it calms me down (as Im sure other plays will agree!). Im extremely lucky that I’ve been brought up in a very open and female-centric family who have always made it of paramount importance that we talk about how we are feeling, so I can always go to them when I feel down and it doesn’t make me feel anxious or embarrassed. My friends are great too. I  am very lucky that I  can just go talk to my family and friends whenever I  want to without feeling uncomfortable. But I  do have a temper that I  have spent the majority of my life trying to work on, and I deinfitely sometimes go to that form of myself when im feeling sad- it’s horrible because it affects everyone around me more than it affects myself.

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We need to do more than educating young men about their mental health- cutting out stereotypes from a young age is more important than I think we realize. Things even as little as changing the way teachers address pupils in school- there can be no more “man up” for the boys and “darling” or “sweetheart” for the girls- its just about informing ourselves of a new way of addressing one another. I’d also like to shout out an organization I volunteer for called Great Men UK (goodladinitiative.com) which is an organization that travels the country going to secondary schools and universities to talk about theses issues. Their mission is to promote positive and equal gender relationships, while also looking to transform the attitudes of young men and boys through conversations about gender issues and men’s mental health. They are amazing and everyone should check them out or get involved.”  

Series 2

“Music is my largest peacemaker. I play piano, have done for 12 years. Writing and making songs for my own ears only is really easing. Sometimes you don’t need other people to hear your pain, as long as you’ve put it through a process where you feel more yourself than you did to start with. Other coping mechanisms towards toxic masculinity vary, I can react with humour, or I make my point even clearer. If someone doesn’t agree with my point, and I’m passionate about it. I will express it further, which can be positive and negative.”

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“I do believe that the stiff upper lip attitude is becoming outdated. My dad was that kind of guy for many years of my life. I never felt I was ever able to speak to him like I could speak to my mum about my worries and I believe that attitude also stopped me from even speaking to her in some instances too. Due to him suffering through some life issues and obstacles, he ended up joining a mental health group; now he is always the first one I speak to about my anxieties or something that’s troubling me.

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At the time of writing this the Black Lives Matter movement is sweeping across the entire globe and it is absolutely amazing to see. When social media is used in positive ways it is absolutely a force to be reckoned with, it can be used to push things in a positive direction and educate people without them even realizing it”. 

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“For a long time without realising what I was doing, drinking was my escape from dealing with my issues for many years. Even when it became obvious to me a few years ago that drinking was the way I dealt with anxiety and depression I wasn’t able to change my habit because I was so dependant on it. I have been sober for 3 months now. It hasn’t been an easy change, but I am already seeing massive benefits and learning to deal with my anxiety and depression in different ways. Honestly, running every morning has been such a monumental help for me. It’s a brief moment of peace, a detachment from my thoughts. A year ago, I hit a point where I knew that I needed help. I went to the local GP in seek of getting some therapy. Instead, within five minutes, I was offered medication. The doctor prescribed me 20mg citalopram to take once a day. The first four or five days were horrible. While my body adjusted, I was experiencing sweating, headaches, nausea and increased anxiety. The doctor gave me no indication or advice on this. I was just told I may feel a bit different for the first few days. I am still taking the medication now; I do feel as though it has helped calm my anxiety quite a bit. But now I am left with the predicament of deciding when I feel I should stop taking the meds, which is a tough call, as I don’t want to go back to the way I felt, but I also don’t want t be stuck on meds for years.

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I was put on a six month waiting list for therapy, and then I was offered 6 sessions, which is ridiculous. The NHS system for mental health needs to change. Half my mates are on medication because they weren’t offered any alternative. What I can recommend from personal experience is that we really need to make changes in our lives off our own accord. I started taking medication, and carried on drinking heavily taking drugs, sleeping late, bad diet and not exercising- it was a whirlwind of instability. There are things we can do to create more of a balance in our minds. It is a long difficult process, but we don’t have many other options.”

Series 3

“The stereotypical pub scenario of an older man saying “grow some balls” to someone younger than themselves is becoming a thing of the past. Men are speaking more openly now and not being afraid of telling someone about their thoughts. Pride used to have a huge negative effect on my mental health. I’d seclude myself even though I knew talking about my thoughts was perhaps the best way to deal with my mental health. Sometimes I still find myself alone thinking silence will cure my negative thoughts.”

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“Struggling with depression for the majority of my life, my main coping mechanisms used to be to self harm. Somehow dealing with physical pain seemed easier and distracted me from my emotional pain. As a teenager, I felt a lot of shame around this, and I didn’t want to admit it to myself let alone anyone else. This was until I became friends with someone else who had struggled with similar things. We could openly talk about our depression without the fear of being judged and this made me feel that it was not something to be ashamed of. For me, vocalizing how I felt with someone was enormously therapeutic, just having someone to listen and talk through things with stops me from going into a depressive spiral.

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I think and hope that the “stiff upper lip” attitudes are slowly becoming outdated with each new generation. I  can see this in my brother, if you came across him without knowing him you would think typical heterosexual lad– boyish and loud, but spend any quality time with him and you can see he’s not afraid to talk about his emotions and be vulnerable.”

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“I think the workplace is where we need to really look at mental health. A lot of employers have an insincere concern with mental health. Companies would rather appear to be progressive than actually help their employees. Most people would rather lie to their boss and say they’re sick instead of admitting they need a ‘mental health day’.”

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You could argue that self-diagnosis is a trend, with lots of musicians or corporations cashing in on mental health. But, I don’t think these are the main reasons for self-diagnosis. People avoid diagnosis from doctors due to the long waiting times for appointments and therapy treatments. Many people get palmed off with prescriptions for medication rather than therapy. A temporary solution for a long term problem, all of this is a consequence of NHS cuts and would explain the success of apps like headspace.”

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“When I don’t feel like myself, the biggest thing that I feel gives me control over my mental wellbeing is not drinking alcohol for a week or two. I think drinking is a lot worse for our mental health than we realize, especially with its use amongst uni students, alcohol tends to be our social lubricant…”

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“I accept and recognise that I won't feel great every day. I have learnt over the years to take mental notes of what works and what doesn't. If I binge on one too many g&t's, have a few too many big macs and sleep very little I know and have to accept I'm going to feel rubbish for a few days. I will probably have a certain level of anxiety and depression to follow. It's recognising these patterns and learning how I can change my relationships with the things which don't always benefit me. You don't always have to have that last drink.” 

Series 4

“I’m not an easy character, I’m a difficult man, and my behaviour isn’t always great. I’ll say this right, with people who have mental health issues, there’s this feeling, this shame that they feel, it’s not just that they might look weak, but that they feel weak. Especially in men, like I take serious medicine every morning and every night, they’re antipsychotics. “

“You’ve got to really work for it, whether it be succeeding in your job or with your mental health, you’ve got to do something every single day. It’s not enough to do a bit here and there, there’s nothing like self discipline, there’s nothing like the love you can find for yourself if you just take care of yourself. But, whether it’ll be circumstantial problems or my mental health, it is doable, it is totally doable but you have to be open. You have to be honest and you have to practice talking about your feelings. But you have to do it, you know it’s not enough to just sit there and go, oh I agree. You have to act differently, even if it’s just a one-on-one with another friend. Everyone, must seek out someone else as best as you can, one you feel safe with, where you don’t necessarily have to know them all that well. You’d be surprised if you mention to your friends that you’re having a struggle or your family, I think most people would be surprised. And also, people want to help you. They want you to come to them, you know, they want you to burden them.”

“I  feel naked without acting. The fear I’ve had in the past six years about it, has made me write my own show. I was like, I better do something. I wanna be part of the industry but I can’t be in front of that camera anymore so what I’ll do is, I’ll write it and get all these confident people to do what I used to do. And there was just a terrible sadness about it, I still do therapy as much as I can. My dad passed away and I finished our show, during that whole thing– still writing and into next season. The one positive to be draw out of this is, I didn’t just survive, I’m still surviving it. I’m writing about it all the time. I’ll never stop fighting it, never. I will not accept it, I won’t give in to this, this feeling.”

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“I’m more proud of myself for admitting what’s wrong than I ever was bottling it up and not allowing myself to be honest….people see opening up about their emotions and feeling as weak or pathetic when in reality, its the opposite, it’s the strongest thing you can do.”

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“I’ve smoked weed regularly for a few years now and I think naturally it has progressed into a bit of crutch for me at certain times. But I think even being aware and honest that it can be a crutch is good. Ultimately a crutch shows weakness and the physcoactive effects of weed can sometimes have a very negative impact on me if I’m feeling down. I think it's essential to be honest with yourself about your relationship with anything you consume regularly and to always be aware of whether it is the right thing for you at that moment. There have been times where I have been quite thankful to myself for turning down a zoot, and having that sense of power over a crutch through hard times helps to ease any dependancy one may have on it. I don’t think substances like weed or alcohol are ever a good coping mechanism but sometimes they can be a nice distraction and sometimes that’s all that’s needed.

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I think the problem with social media is that it is ran like a business. Zuckerberg’s aim isn’t to connect the world, it is to line his pockets and unfortunately as many of us have developed addictions to these platforms we have become vulnerable and our trust is being abused. Theres an air of competition about social media that I often fall for myself but as a creative it is an essential tool that I value a lot. Traversing the world of social media is tricky and I like to keep it at arms length but sometimes I do get sucked in. If I’m not in a particularly good mood often it can make me feel worse so I’ve learned to avoid it in those times. One thing I’ve found beneficial recently is staying on top of what I follow, I know I’m gonna check Instagram everyday so I believe it’s due diligence to vet the kind of content I’m going to be taking in.”

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“When I am anxious in general or worried about something, I feel unlike myself and tend to become irritable, impatient, shut off, etc.... Usually I struggle to ease my mind until the worry has been resolved in some way, in the meantime exercise/meditation/ good food all help.”

Series 5

“The “shame” of opening up about what’s going on in our heads still plagues men and hinders mental health transparency, but I’d like to think it’s getting better. I guess as we continue to drive into a more connected world people are more open to sharing all aspects of their life? The good and the bad.”

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“I can’t think of a place where it’s easy. Positives for me at the moment are trying to keep a regular routine, good diet and gym as I’ve not found anything help me as much as this.”

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“I’m not immune to the quick fixes offered by drug taking and alcohol consumption. There is an appeal in escaping the world I may find myself trapped in through taking these routes, yet I am aware that ultimately they often end up doing far more harm than good - it can be difficult, however, to ignore these options when you feel so isolated.”

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“I think that in urban areas such as London, men are more likely to talk about their mental health. Having lived in both the countryside and a city I feel like the progress has not been as noticeable the countryside.” 

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“I definitely feel our generation has allowed men to be more open and honest about their emotions. That being said, I wouldn't say we’ve totally lost the stigma surrounding men talking about their mental health. I know friends of mine who have clearly struggled but don’t feel they can open up without being judged for it. I think upbringing has a lot to do with it too, having a strong male role model is a great thing, but if that figure doesn’t teach you to open up it can have a huge impact a young adult’s honesty with themselves.”

Series 6

“I joined the army at 17. If you were feeling down you kept it quiet. You had to be one of the boys and part of the team, so you’d never show your feelings or emotions. You kept them to yourself, it was bad for morale and other people, so we did the “English” thing of keeping your chin up and not talking about your feelings. You know, you join the army, they pull you down to rebuild you, so you lose a part of yourself and become a trained soldier.I had people who were injured and killed so you had to learn to live with that loss. Even now, at my age with PTSD, I  have flashbacks of waking up soaking wet, screaming. I went to my daughter’s in July last year and was sleeping on a couch. My son in law came down and shook me, said I was screaming. All I said was “whats up” and he said “you scared the kids”, yet I had no idea. It’s things that have built up that you push to the back of your mind and then suddenly it comes back to you and it hits you, you know it’s a horrible thing at times.

I  was blown up in the Falklands, I  came out with horrific injuries through my arm, my legs, my back. Once I  was medically discharged it was like the army had no responsibility anymore. so I  had to struggle for many years. it was only through the Veterans Association in Bury that I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. That took nearly 20 years. I  found a lot of people that come out the army, after maybe say 6 or 9 years, actually develop mental health problems because we’re not used to the routine of civilian life, and you’ll find that 1 in 5 homeless people in Britain are ex-service personnel. That is a hell of a number to take in. I do a lot of work with the homeless, and am ex-homeless myself. The homeless you see on the street make up a small percentage of homeless people. You’ve also got couch surfers, people in bed and breakfasts, people in temporary accommodation or hotels. That’s why my organization calls itself Invisible Cities to show that people aren’t invisible.

It’s tough when someone’s been on the street for a while, and it’s still tough when or if you’ve got into a flat. When I  first got my own accommodation, I didn’t know how to cope because in five years or so, I had never paid any bills. Suddenly you’ve got water, gas, electrical bills and so forth all coming to you and you don’t know how to handle it. Our organization offers extra support for this transition too.

I worked with a guy recently for 6 months, we got him into a flat, organized furniture, got him a telly, decorated it, put carpets down, settled him in, and I saw him about 4 weeks later on the streets. I was walking down Oxford Road and he was sitting on the streets, so I asked, why are you here? He got so fed up with being in the flat of his own that he went back on the streets and invited his mates back to his flat so he had people that he knew. So these guys were all smoking spice or whatever, so the neighbours complained to the council, and he ended up back on the streets. They were all chucked out and he’d lost the flat. We could have tried to help him with the loneliness, but again, this is what we were saying, it’s a matter of pride.

That’s the time when you’re crying behind doors but no in public. I  think you can have a lot of friends in your life but you need just one good friend where you say” come on let’s have a pint” and you can talk to them about what you’re going through. Then you might meet the next day and it’s not discussed, but you know you feel better for having talked through it, and maybe in six months time, that friend will come to you and say listen, I’ve just gone through something. It’s a cycle.

It’s time to drop the pride, and accept that everybody needs somebody. I’m nearly 65 years, and I still need help. If you need to talk to someone there is always someone close that maybe you wouldn’t expect; a colleague or even a teacher, whoever it is, you need to know that there is someone to turn to for help, and the sooner you do it, the better.”

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“I’ve had many coping mechanisms over the years that have caused addictions from quite an early age. I’ve been addicted to drugs, weed, gambling, and gaming. Yet, the best coping mechanism of all is love. I’m a hopeless romantic. I’ve gone through two very emotionally abusive relationships that didn’t react well with my ADHD. Seef love and having someone truly understand your way of thinking is amazing. It’s helped me pursue my passions and constantly look forward.

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Getting a counsellor also helped me realize a lot of my past mistakes were the environment around me and could have been undiagnosed ADHD. I don’t use my ADHD as an excuse, but I’m definitely less hard on myself and now I will find logical solutions to my problems and not be disheartened if I fail.”

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“I  have recently been feeling okay within myself, I  would say for the past year and a half. However, I  struggled with issues of severe anxiety and depression pushing on 2 years ago. This was not the first time, but I  would say it was the only time I  have actively tried to pull myself out of the situation I  found myself in. I  started by getting up early everyday and making a point of going into the town, grabbing a coffee and sitting on a step to read. I  read 1984 by George Orwell and to  be honest it was one of the first books I  properly read. In the end I began to enjoy going into town, reading and watching the world go by. That was the first time in my life where I  enjoyed and actually looked forward to my own company. Now I  try to make a conscious effort to take myself for a coffee on my own at least once a week.” 

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“Breathe, there’s been many different scenarios when I haven’t felt uneasy or ‘not right’, if I’m at work at the family restaurant, I’ll go into the back and open the door and take a minute. There have been times where I’ve been out with my friends and I’ll take myself off to catch a breath because I’ll get an overwhelming feeling of anxiety, out of nowhere. I feel like sometimes I have this little ‘coach’ voice in my head just telling me that I’m fine and it’s just me overthinking and it’ll be over in a minute. Looking up at the sky and just looking at the bigger picture also helps, because often enough it’s my head that’s making the scenario at hand seem big enough to swamp me, so just stopping and to just think that what I’m panicking about- in the grand scheme of things, it really isn’t anything to worry about.

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Recently, with being stuck in the house and all you’re hearing is bad news here, bad news over there, I usually just jump in my car and drive through the Yorkshire Dales, sometimes going as far as the Lakes, taking my camera. I try my hardest to detach and be by myself, It’s taught me to appreciate my own company.”